I wish I’d written this post a bit earlier when the wounds would be still fresh - literally! But I thought that starting with the pre-story and some useful tips is a better idea, so here we go, 5 months postpartum, and my reflections about it.
First of all, no one will ever tell you what is awaiting after the baby is out. The movies are lying big time, from the way they show the start of the birth process to the very end. But even your mom, sister, or friend might not warn you about how shitty it can feel afterward.
Maybe that’s the secret behind the longevity of the human race? Not telling the truth to women, so that they can produce more babies?
Anyways, let me tell you things I will for sure forget and successfully hide from my daughter, if I have one, which is possible because guess what?
The almighty oxytocin makes us forget things, and all you remember is how our sweet baby was placed on your chest. Flash cut. You’re at home trying to figure out how this new life works. Flash cut. You are chasing a cute, unstoppable toddler while he’s running toward a busy road. Flash cut. You’re picking a high school according to your budget, and he’s being all nasty and moody. Cut to black.
POSTPARTUM PERIOD: BEGINNING
So in my case, one of the things remember clearly is that I was being sewn together down there, it hurt, I was singing to distract myself, my ob-gyn looked so, so tired, and my baby was invisibly meowing somewhere nearby.
Then I got a metal bowl under my hips, so that the blood would keep flowing there. In two hours the epidural effect ended, and I felt super uncomfortable, but had to wait for someone to take a look at the blood amount. The baby and Zviad were with me, but even their presence couldn’t distract me from the feeling of metal on the very sore skin.
While I was there in quite an uncomfortable position, trying to make Daniel feel okay with the good old boobie, friends and family started calling. I’ve been living here for 9 years now, and I’m used to many things, but still, I was surprised by the fact that my close ones were calling once I was lying down open, bleeding, numb, with both boobs out, dreaming about a night of good sleep.
But no worries! If you have a Georgian family or friends, they might skip the calls. They will appear under your windows shouting in the middle of the night, tipsy, happy, with air balloons and fireworks, yes, fireworks under the house full of babies and new moms tired AF. Even the best people go crazy when there is a new baby in the family.
(Here goes a line of appreciation to Zviad who asked his friends not to come, and to my dear friends Teo and Tatia who discreetly sent me flowers and a balloon the day after - love you very much!)
WHAT HAPPENS IN THE CLINIC
Right, after a live stream of Daniel having his first meal the nurses took us to the neonatal department, and once I thought we would finally nap, the nurse asked if I peed. Of course, I didn’t - I even didn’t feel like it! Oh no, she said, you have to asap, a long time passed.
She helped me get to the bathroom, and then despite the numbness down there, I realized that yeah, there was a lot of liquid. The worst thing is the fear that if you do any extra effort, your stitch might start opening (spoiler: usually it doesn’t).
Of course, in the next days everything hurts, the nurses apply betadin and levomekol down there, and also allow to take ibuprofen moderately, if you feel like it.
Once I finally got under the shower… Oh. I can’t even explain the excitement of finding something that wasn’t there before. You pushed in the wrong way, the doctors said, giving me heparin cream to treat my new friends. I imagined a cluster of grapes every time I was washing myself and silently cried. To be honest, I wasn’t emotionally or physically strong enough to see what it really looked like, but it definitely felt like grapes.
On July 6, I can tell you that it’s finally almost over. You really need to walk a lot, make the blood circulate, and use heparin cream and lactation-friendly suppositories - the safest one being Natalsid.
The Western websites say that you usually leave home with a peri bottle to treat the V area, but in Georgia, you don’t get anything but an instruction to wash yourself with running water after every bathroom visit.
HYGIENE AT HOME
Then you finally make it home! Hurray! Don’t forget to stock on disposable sheets not only for your diaper changing area but also for your bed, unless you feel like washing the blood off the linen every day (I bet you don’t). Put one under yourself while feeding, because you will bleed, sometimes a lot.
As for the sanitary pads - I’ve got two packs of the biggest ones from Mothercare, but they appeared to be tiny for what happened in real life, so the ones they gave me in Gagua Clinic, Seni, appeared to be the best.
Also, every time Daniel started sucking my breast, I always had an eerie sensation as if the liquid was draining even from my spine. The sensation would eventually go away, but the fact is that a nursing mom loses liquid from everywhere, so always have a big glass or a bottle of water next to you.
THE FAMILY AFFAIRS
Then in Georgia, the grandparents and literally everyone would start coming to see the baby, and even if the almighty oxytocin would make you feel okay as it happened to me, you will get irritated at some point.
Don’t eat yourself for snapping at someone for taking the baby in a way you don’t like or a similar sin. “Ah, mom’s hormones!” some might say condescendingly, and actually yes, hormones are in action, and if not for them, humans would be extinct centuries ago. Try loving a screaming piece of flesh that doesn’t even recognize you yet, feed him your blood and all vitamins you contain, plus get irregular sleep - all this would lead to fatal consequences without the “mom’s hormones”.
So yes, the relatives can be fussy and support you not in a way you expect. My advice is the following: after the mama bear has roared, explain to them what you want in a human voice. If it doesn’t work - screw it and let mama bear out again.
Spare the papa bear though. Of course, he isn’t hurt as much as you are, but he is also overwhelmed, shocked, and excited, and his instincts are not so strong as ours, so he can’t react as fast as we can if the baby is crying.
Here go the words of appreciation to Zviad who was maximally involved in Daniel’s life from Day 1. He was so helpful and supportive, especially when I was practically bed-ridden, couldn’t sit, lift things and perform many big and small actions I usually don’t even think about. We basically were a team of a parent-food and a parent-whisperer who put the baby to sleep.
And if there is no papa bear or other support, and you are going to play solo in this new world of chaos, probably also torn apart, stitched together, bleeding, feeding and loving as much as you can - I bow in front of you, for you are one of the strongest people on the planet.
I hope that this post didn’t scare you too much. The postpartum period is not easy, especially in its early stage when everything is new, and there is plenty of strange sensations, pain, and various opinions coming from every head around you.
Just be prepared as much as you can: stock on the soothing gels or creams, big comfy pads, sanitary blankets, convenient vessel for drinking water, sore nipple treatment, sleep eye mask, enough pillows for back and hands support… and let the almighty oxytocin be with you so that you’d forget all painful moments really fast!
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