I’m Becky and I'm mama to a Russian-American daughter, Zoё (Зоя), who's 19 months old. Zoё was born in Saint Petersburg, Russia, and in her short life has already lived in three countries: Russia, the US, and now, as of this winter, Georgia! I myself have bounced around a good deal; I’m originally from the US, and before coming here lived in France, Russia and Belarus and visited many other countries.
Most “COVID babies” have their own particularly unusual stories, so I will spare the details for another time, but long story short, I was isolating with my in-laws (his grandmother, parents, sister, and niece) during my pregnancy in 2020, which was not easy to say the least. My husband was abroad when my water broke at 38 weeks and I was admitted to the maternity hospital alone.
Upon arrival, a PCR test was administered, but since my baby was breech, I had a C-section almost immediately, and the test results didn’t come back until after the baby was born. It turned out that I was COVID positive, and according to the Russian legislation, the baby and mother were to be separated if the mother had a positive result: the mother was to be sent to an infectious disease hospital, and the baby to another hospital. Zoё was immediately taken away from me.
Fortunately, I gave birth in a private clinic and was able to submit a refusal to be hospitalized, and my husband (who arrived in town just as I left the hospital) was able to take the baby.
It was a jarring entry to motherhood to say the least. I spent the first three weeks as a mother recovering from my C-section and COVID and mostly isolating from my baby with the exception of breastfeeding her (masked, of course!). 10/10 would not recommend, but I’d definitely do it all again for her!
Motherhood for me has been a see-saw of anxiety and deep love. I have felt paralyzed by all the decisions and trying to both follow my intuition and try out things from the research I have done or things I have learned from other mothers. More and more I am convinced that as soon as you figure something out, it shifts, and that the development is not linear, so as a mother you have to give yourself a lot of grace.
However, the number of tools you acquire as you get to know your child better and better equips you to better handle situations as they arise. I am certain that my daughter intrinsically knows my limits, and though sometimes I feel I’m at my breaking point, we are growing together and our bond strengthens.
Zoё is still breastfeeding. I’m not sure when this journey will end, but I know it will, so I am living in the moment for now. It’s been really helpful through all the transition we’ve had the last several months along with her being sick on and off for the past couple months, so I am grateful that it has been available as a tool and comfort.
We weren’t anticipating moving to Georgia so suddenly, so it was a bit frantic: leaving Russia, finding an apartment, settling in, and trying to make sense of our new life all in a couple of weeks time. I tried really hard to keep some kind of routine and familiarity in my daughter’s life. Fortunately, I had already visited Georgia and traveled internationally quite a lot, living for periods in different places, which prepared me well for this quick change.
I spent a lot of thought and effort trying to get the materials I wanted for my daughter and prepared to raise her for the first period of life in Russia. Most of the items I was able to get used - which for me is really a priority.
I was very conflicted about bringing a new person into this world given the human toll on our planet, so I very concertedly made - and make - efforts to minimize our impact and footprint.
Unfortunately, I was not able to bring most of the things I spent so much time and thought curating (learning tower, stools, balance bike, toys, books, cloth diapers, clothing…) here to Tbilisi.
While I recognize that children do not need material items to thrive, having some of these things aligns with my parenting approach of incorporating my child into the family life and make it easier for her to be an active participating member. I have tried to source some of these items here with varied success.
Given my intention to limit our impact, I sometimes have an ideological inner conflict, heightened by the fact that we’re not sure how long we’ll be here, so the thought of investing in “stuff” is not attractive to me. However, I am grateful for local facebook groups where I acquired some used items we were missing.
I'm so glad that my family is here because we feel comfortable, safe, and we are enjoying exploring Tbilisi and other parts of Georgia. Georgians have been incredibly friendly towards Zoё.
Sometimes I do have to firmly say, no, my child does not want you to pick them up/touch them and locals seem a bit surprised! I am trying to respect her needs and wants, especially with strangers.
Now that my daughter is getting more comfortable with other people, she is more likely to interact with strangers and sometimes even seeks out their attention, and for the most part, people have been really receptive. Sometimes people offer to help me, such as when I am putting her on my back in the pack, or offer their seats on the bus. People’s faces often light up when they see her, which really is the best reaction for anyone, kids especially. In this kind of environment kids feel seen and special.
Zoё loves that she is able to spend lots of time outside, move freely, and I believe that she feels loved and well cared for. We have been pleasantly surprised with the affordability of childcare here in Tbilisi.
I was hoping to find a daycare or playgroup for Zoё for her to start this Spring, but when we arrived and I inquired, everything was full. We managed to find a nanny for a couple hours a week and it was working out splendidly, but then she was offered a job in a new daycare center that recently opened.
Luckily, around that time a spot opened up in a daycare that I had previously contacted, and since June my daughter has been attending Tabula Rasa Kindergarten. The nanny still helps out from time-to-time on the weekends or evenings. These two things have helped me immensely and have been such a cognitive and social boost for Zoё!
I finally am starting to catch my breath from the craziness of the past couple of years and I feel like I can be a more present and organized mom. I do hope in the not-so-distant future I can go back to work, so I really hope that having Zoё already used to other care providers will make that transition much smoother.
I still don’t understand the medical system here. For example, we have not been able to sort out getting our daughter’s next vaccines: whenever I have called the clinics, they tell me that there isn’t any of that vaccine in Georgia and they can’t order them. We did visit one pediatrician and they said the same. So I am quite worried about gaps in my daughter’s immunization for all the various typical diseases and viruses, but I hope to figure it out in the coming month.
A few things I wish were better are the traffic, enforcement of laws about catalytic converters, trash organization and recycling.
My favorite way to spend time is outside and as a mama, being out-of-doors is my main “activity”. We are living near Vake Park and spend a lot of time hiking around the trails around Vake and Turtle Lake.
As my daughter is getting more comfortable walking longer distances herself, she’s able to explore more and more on her own two feet, although she still spends most of the time riding on my back. Sometimes getting into the woods is the only way I get her to take a nap. You can probably gather that I’m not much of a stroller-mama, I prefer carriers as of now. We’ll see how things progress as she continues to grow!
My tip to the new moms in Tbilisi: when anyone questions your parenting, remember that (and tell them!) you know your child and their needs best. And when you have no idea what you’re doing, remember that you are learning and it will get easier.
Becoming a mom means going through the caterpillar, chrysalis, and butterfly phases all in an incredibly short period of time!
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